one of my problem...@@@

its hard to express my actually feeling here...

do you think that is we want something we must ask for it..? But my answer is NO ! undeniable some things we must do so but some are not...I am a person actually do not like to rely on other people , anything happen most of the time i will face it alone...when you call me go and ask for something or things that not deserve for me...i will not do so because it will disturb other people !!

this is what i think...everytime when i face something i will not grow and become stronger but weaker...i dunno why after any incident or events with other people i feel like the gap between larger and larger...although in other people mind it does not change but for me...it seems like everythings start to change....no more closed relationship but strange ??

my mom scold me...she says that why i so stupid..? actually i am not...everytime i make phone calls i do have my purpose ------> to maintain the relationship between each other but she say me waste money...what can i do ?? is this the end of our relationship ?? stop making phone calls ??

not only that...trust ?? all gone ?? even ppl say i jealous...i would have to admit..i am jealous!
peopl say i am selfish ? yea ...maybe i am really selfish !!!!!!!

but til the end ..i should blame myself for everything !!!!! not other people but ME >.<

Happiness....

the day that i waiting for has arrived...

i do think that we can sit down together and have a wonderful dinner together...but it just seems not right to me ! What has actually happens ?? i also dunno whats happening....

of course the food is nice....we do have a present exchange section which i think is good and happy...until almost the end of the dinner..i realised what is happening......

i feel like an outcast and being isolated (which is not true )....no ppl come and talk to me but the other way round...if like that i will think that i always disturb other...and of cos ppl will think that i am very ...even when we want to go off...they all still not very GAN JIONG...only me who is the wan who so scare miss the last train..AM I AN IDIOT ??

at once i was thinking that why ppl not very GAN JIONG...but me ???

whatever....all had pass...the most important thing is live peacefully although is not happy must be happy !!!!

Holiday ??

finally we finished exam....what a wonderful moment !

but the nightmare begins...!

my father always scold us...why u all stay at home...why dont u all go to find job..stay at home just like a useless person..
when he says these kind of things..of cos it does not hurts me..but not feeling good when hear those things from his stupid mouth!!
As a father does he take his responsibility to take care of us ??

Answer is NOT..yea...he tried to kill us last year...thats the moment that i will remember the whole life ..! thats why i feel that my home not a safe place for me to stay and tend to go back home late...what i do is not a way to solve problems but i did not have any idea..maybe this is a small matter for some of the people but for me i tink is big and HUGE !

when talk about finding part time job...i have interviewed 2 job but unfortunately no respond..
whatever...now searching for a vacancy of temporary teacher...@@

furthermore...quite a long time din go n see my classmates and friends...VERY MISS THEM AH
But wat do they think about me ?? our friendship will just go away by time ??
Even i want to meet my friends there are a lot of obstacles....do u all think dat we meet together is a good way to maintain our friendship ??

BUT my answer is YES...!!!!


I AM NOT FAKE @@ If u all think i am fake , i also no idea ady...cos THIS IS ME..........!!!